When I was in grade 8, there was a boy in the school I attended who wanted to beat me up. I don’t remember why he wanted to beat me up. Fortunately, I had friends who protected me from him. At the time, I do remember thinking about how I would respond. I was serious about living my faith and I thought about whether I would fight back or turn the other cheek. Because of the friends who protected me, I never had to actually make a decision. However, that was not the last time I had to think about how I would respond to persecution, hatred or the hurtful actions of others. I know that several times, sometimes when driving, sometimes in financial transactions, others have wronged me and I have had to think about whether I would do what I felt like doing or respond with forgiveness.
Hurt happens. Like any other person, we experience hurt from those we interact with at school, in business and even in social circles. Christians are also persecuted, severely in some places, but even here in Canada. Hurt also happens in the church. I have observed church leaders who are very effective, but in the process step on other people. When MCC first introduced seminars to talk about spousal abuse, I wondered why they were doing it because I didn’t think such things happened among Christians, today I know that they do. When hurt happens, how do we respond? If there is anyone – in your family, in your circle of friends, in the church family, among your acquaintances – who is against you, has hurt you or wronged you, how do you as a Christian respond?
Although our personality will predispose us to different reactions, there are some feelings and responses which are pretty natural to every human being. Most of us will feel hurt. Some people bury their hurt feelings and in their heart there is a slow burn. Others will respond with angry outbursts. A desire for vengeance is often strong. Sometimes that desire for vengeance is made noble by thinking of it as a desire for justice. The thought is often expressed, “we can’t let them get away with this.” Sometimes the desire for vengeance is much stronger than that and we want to actually hurt them. Any of these feelings can devolve into hatred. One response of hatred is to determine to never talk to them again. I have heard people express strategies of avoidance. They will go out of their way in order not to have to meet or even see those who have hurt or wronged them. Such reactions to wrongs done are common and rise in our heart quickly and quite naturally.
A few weeks ago we talked about the profound difference which occurs because we are recipients of the mercy of God. In Romans 12:1,2, we were challenged on the basis of the grace which we have received in Christ Jesus not to be “conformed to the world,” but to “be transformed by the renewing of our mind.” In every area of our life, we are called to make choices between living in the way of this world, the way that comes naturally to us or that which fits with the kingdom of God. Because we have been shown mercy, we are also called to think differently about how we respond to wrongs done. We need to think about whether the normal human responses fit with the kingdom of God. What is transformed thinking when it comes to being wronged?
The key to transformed thinking is to remember how God treated us when we wronged him. Paul has already spoken of that radical way of responding when he said in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” It is in the response of God to us that we need to search for our response to others when we are wronged. As we see how God responded, we notice some important lessons. First of all we notice that God does not sweep wrong under the rug. He does not ignore that wrong has been done. So also, when we are wronged, it is not appropriate to ignore the wrong done. On the other hand, God chose to respond to the wrong done with the willingness to sacrifice in order to bring reconciliation and the grace of forgiveness.
What are some of the details of how we respond to wrong done? Paul elaborates on this in Romans 12:17-21. Let us read this text and then examine it carefully.
The first word we find in this section is that we should not “repay anyone evil for evil.” Although this may sound like not taking revenge, I think there is a slight difference. The difference is that “repaying evil for evil” seems to have the idea of hurting them back, whereas vengeance is a concern for justice and making everything right. We will talk about not taking revenge in a moment. The difference may be slight, but let us think about this for a moment. If we understand that “returning evil for evil” is a way of hurting the other person because they hurt us, we know that we have come upon a natural feeling. We have been hurt and we want them to feel the kind of hurt that we have experienced from them. Everyone knows that such an action is less than noble, but everyone also knows that it would feel so good to do it. The Bible is very simple and direct – don’t!
Instead, we are encouraged to, “be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” The Greek Bible gives us a little different perspective on this verse. A direct translation would be “pre-think what is good before all men.” What NIV translates as “be careful” would be better translated “think” or even better “think before.” RSV and ESV come close to this when they say “but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all” and “give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.”
It seems to me that this teaches us an important lesson about how to avoid the pitfalls of “returning evil for evil.” If we leave it to the moment in which we are hurt, we will probably be inclined to respond with the feelings, thoughts and perhaps actions which are natural to us. But if we give thought to what is noble in the sight of all, we will perhaps be able to respond in a way that has been transformed by the mercy of Christ.
So what would such forethought look like? It might mean that we think like this, “The next time someone hurts me, I will be bold enough to acknowledge in my heart that I have been hurt and that I am angry. Then I will grieve the loss or hurt that I have experienced. Then I will remember that God has forgiven me a huge debt of sin and I will make a choice, perhaps even against everything that my feelings are screaming, to respond in a way that acknowledges the grace I have received. I will give time for my feelings to catch up to my decision and then respond with good instead of evil.”
It is clear that such a response is founded upon a new set of values, which is precisely the point. In Christ, as recipients of mercy, we are able to live according to a new set of values.
A second thought about responding to wrongs with a transformed mind is given in Romans 12:18, which says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
What does it mean to live at peace with everyone? We often have misconceptions about what this means. Once again, transformed thinking is required.
We understand that all out war is not peace. That much is clear, but what we sometimes don’t understand is that if calm surface water hides turbulence beneath, that is not peace. Living at peace does not mean that we bury disagreements. Unless we consider the disagreement so minor that it is not worth bringing up, peace does not exist if we refuse to acknowledge wrongs done or disagreements held. If we don’t agree with someone or have suffered a wrong and inside there is anger, hurt or a desire for revenge, but we don’t acknowledge it, that is not peace.
Living at peace also does not mean that one opinion dominates. I have observed situations in which a plan was carried out and everyone appeared to agree with the plan because of the power of the person proposing the plan. No one had the courage to express disagreement. There appeared to be unanimity, but there was not peace. In other words, dominance does not mean peace. Therefore, in a marriage when one person holds the power and whatever he(mostly he) says goes and the other person, seething with resentment, submits; that is not peace. Therefore in a church, when we disagree with someone else, peace does not mean refusing to acknowledge what we think.
Living at peace requires honesty. It means that we have the courage to say what we think, with gentleness and reverence. I like what John E. Toews asks, “Can real and deep conflicts be resolved without open conversation that facilitates understanding, growing trust, and finally resolution?”
However, living at peace also requires listening to the other person. I know that in some situations I have been quick to defend my point of view so strongly that it was obvious to the other person that they might as well not say anything because they were not being listened to. I repent of such actions, because they do not make for peace.
Living at peace also requires commitment. If when we have conflict with someone, our temptation may be to ignore them or quit attending church or even switch churches. By doing that, we have only avoided conflict, we have not made peace.
Living at peace means embracing difference. It means that if one person thinks that God created the world in 6 days and another person believes that God may have created the world in millions of years, they can still talk together, discuss why they hold these views and continue to serve the Lord together.
These things are difficult and I know that sometimes I have made a decision not to retaliate and so to live at peace, but I still fight with my feelings and perhaps gossip or even slander the other person. When we do that, we have manifested that we still are not operating with a transformed mind. That is why it is so critical that we allow the Spirit of God to transform our thinking.
Of course, living at peace with everyone will not always be possible and so Paul says, “as far as it depends on you.” What are the things which make peace impossible? Living at peace can be difficult because we want justice. But that is something we can do something about, so it does not make living at peace impossible. Our own feelings make it very difficult to live in peace, and although we may need to have time to overcome those feelings, we can do something about and it does not make peace impossible. What does make peace impossible is the response of the other person. If we look at peacemaking as building a bridge, it is possible for us to build the bridge towards the other person, but it is not possible for us to make the other person build the bridge towards us. There comes a time when we may need to recognize that peace will not happen. If we have been honest with ourselves and have done everything possible to make peace, then we may simply have to accept that situation, knowing we have done everything possible. At that point, it does not make sense to pursue the issue further. As long as the door for peacemaking stays open from our side, we are free in God’s eyes and we may need to back off and leave it alone.
A further command which Paul gives us is “Do not take revenge.”
Earlier we talked about not repaying “evil for evil,” understanding that there is a feeling within us that when we have been hurt, we want the other person to hurt as well. Vengeance adds another dimension to this feeling. When we want revenge, a part of our motivation might well be a motivation for justice. If we have been wronged, there must be a way of making it right which is a noble thought. After all God is concerned for righteousness isn’t He? Doesn’t God want things done in a just way?
John Piper says, “Most of you, probably, have been wronged seriously by someone who has never apologized or done anything sufficient to make it right. And one of the deep hindrances to your letting that hurt and bitterness go is the conviction—the justified conviction—that justice should be done, that the fabric of the universe will unravel if people can just get away with horrible wrongs and deceive everyone. That is one of the hindrances to forgiveness and letting grudges go. It’s not the only one. We have our own sin to deal with. But it is a real one. We feel that just to let it go would be to admit that justice simply won’t be done. And we can’t do it. So we hold on to anger, and play the story over and over again with the feelings: It shouldn’t have happened; it shouldn’t have happened; it was wrong; it was wrong.”
So how can God’s Word tell us not to seek revenge in order to make things right? First of all we need to acknowledge that there are some problems when we want to pursue justice. The truth is that we don’t know all the facts and we often only see one side of the issue and our feelings get involved so that what is nobly declared as a desire for justice can quickly deteriorate into returning evil for evil in order to satisfy our anger and hatred.
Paul instructs us that with transformed thinking we can refuse to take revenge when we leave vengeance to God. He is the one who will make all things right. Paul quotes Deuteronomy 32:35 to give Old Testament backing for this kind of thinking. Transformed thinking teaches us that justice is God’s business. Where NIV translates “leave room for God’s wrath,” the Greek is much more direct. It says, “give place to wrath” without specifying whose wrath. It is the next verse which teaches us that it is God’s wrath. And so it teaches us that justice is His business.
Refusing to take revenge also makes sense from a human point of view. Gaylord Goertsen writes, “On an old "Amos and Andy" television program, Andy was angry. There was a big man who would continually slap Andy across the chest every time they met. Andy finally had enough of it. He told Amos, "I'm going to get revenge. I will put a stick of dynamite in my vest pocket. The next time he slaps me on the chest he's going to get his hand blown off." But Andy forgot that the dynamite would also blow his own heart out. Revenge may hurt the other person but it always blows our own heart out.”
So when we consider the consequences and more importantly when we consider God’s grace and His justice we see how a transformed mind will lead us not to take revenge.
However, having made a decision to walk in this way does not make it easy. There are some significant considerations. Leaving it to God’s wrath does not mean ignoring that a wrong has been done. Therefore, leaving it to God’s wrath does not mean that we put ourselves back into a dangerous situation. Sometimes when people have been abused they have been told to leave it to God’s wrath and been encouraged to return to the abusive situation. That is not wisdom. When we are wronged trust is usually broken. Leaving vengeance to God does not mean that we carelessly trust a person who has shown themselves not to be trustworthy.
As we contemplate these things we see once again that a transformed mind, changed and guided by the Spirit of God is so important. As we pray and seek wisdom, God’s Spirit will help us to walk in this way.
As difficult as even this is, the challenge is even greater as we read on and discover that not only are we to refuse revenge, we are to “overcome evil with good.”
The first thing I notice about this is that it is a strategy for response, not simply a rule to identify us as different. This is about overcoming evil with the method God Himself uses to overcome evil and that is with good. Although it is true that God is judge and that His wrath is against all wickedness, yet when He planned a strategy for overcoming evil, the method He chose had to do with sacrifice and grace. It is quite clear that transformed thinking requires the same kind of radical, contrary to human nature, strategy for us to overcome evil.
This is dangerous stuff. It is contrary to how we normally think and it requires a great dependence on God’s justice and power and presence. If we don’t have an understanding that this is God’s way of doing things and if we are not prepared to do it in God’s power, we will not be able to do it. You cannot overcome evil with good if you still want retaliation. You can only overcome evil with good if you are prepared to make a huge sacrifice just as God made a sacrifice to redeem us.
The practical matter of overcoming evil with good is presented in verse 20 where we are told to feed our enemy if he is hungry and to give him something to drink if he is thirsty. This strategy is first declared in Proverbs 25:21,22. The supporting argument is a little hard to understand. What does it mean to heap “burning coals on his head.” There are three different interpretations for this saying. One is that by our doing good, the judgment of God will come on the other person because it will be shown that they really deserve it. Another is that as the person experiences good, they will be shamed into contrition and repentance and the third is that this is simply an act of kindness. In those days they didn’t have matches and in order to carry fire from one place to another, they had special containers into which they would put glowing coals which they would carry on their head in order to start a fire in another place. To put burning coals on a person’s head was to fill their container and give them the fire needed to restart their fire. I am not sure what the correct interpretation is, but whatever the meaning, the instruction is clear – kindness is called for in place of vengeance.
This is the tone of the entire passage. Even in Romans 12:14 Paul says, “Bless those who persecute you…” Jesus is the model for this kind of response as seen when in Luke 23:34 we read that He blessed his enemies when he was on the cross. It is the model of Jesus who blessed us when we were enemies as recorded in Romans 5:6, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.”
I suspect that there are probably situations in this room right now to which this message speaks very specifically. There are people here who have been hurt by other people here. There may be some here who are being persecuted.
As we think of these words, I do not think that it is helpful to tell you, “here are the commands, obey them.” I believe it is better say to you, “remember the mercy you have received and ask God to transform your mind about how you will think about and respond to those who are your enemies.”
One of my favorite stories is the one told by Corrie Ten Boom. She experienced horrible wrongs when she was in the prison camp in Nazi Germany. One guard in particular seemed to take pleasure in severely abusing the prisoners. Years later when she was on a speaking tour she met this guard who came up to her and asked her forgiveness. It was difficult for her to do, but she made a choice to obey and when she did, God gave her the power to love this man who had wronged her. May we, in the power of God learn to treat all who wrong us in the way He has taught us and in the way He has treated us.
1 comment:
Since Sharon and I are heading up to Gimli to visit my mother this morning, I thought I would check the REMC events calendar and read your sermon for today. I'm glad I did! I saw myself clearly in some of the situations you spoke of and I too need to repent. The desire for vindication and revenge is powerful in me and I have damaged relationships with fellow Christians in seeking to satisfy those desires. I think learning how to deal with unfair criticism would be of benefit to me. I loathe confrontation and will often meekly accept rather than challenge on the spot and then go home and stew over stuff until either I get over it or blow a gasket! Mind you, most criticism directed my way is well deserved but there are times when it's not and that's when my "old Adam" wants to assert himself.
Thanks again for the sermon, God bless you and yours and have a great week! Rod
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